


Rotting Sailor-Suited Guardian, Zombie Moon!

by Masterweaver



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Zombieland Saga (Anime)
Genre: Gen, This was inevitable and you know it.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-08-07 10:43:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16406945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterweaver/pseuds/Masterweaver
Summary: Luna has been searching for the reincarnated sailor century since long before history began. And at long last, she's found their legendary leader: Sailor Moon!There is just one teensy little problem.... the girl is currently a mindless shambling corpse with an addiction to squid.Okay, maybe it's not so teensy.





	1. In the name of the moon, braaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

Luna had never liked death metal.

Well, honestly, she wasn't a big fan of rock and roll in the first place. The simple fact of the matter was she had sensitive hearing, and loud singing and/or screaming was not really her thing. She didn't begrudge those who did like it, because... honestly, sometimes she wanted to scream herself. Ten thousand orbits of searching this whole planet, chasing leads that turned out to be shams, dealing with children pulling her tail, the changing languages and the changing technology and the changing everything... it could get to a molly. And it wasn't like she'd never expressed her own frustration.

But... death metal. They just screamed to scream. They had loud conflicting music and they had ridiculous headbanging and the strange clothes...

She rolled her eyes at the metalheads as she passed. It wasn't like she was going in, she was just headed to a dock in order to hop a ship out of the country. She was just as likely to find the moon princess and her warriors here as she was to find the next big idol sensation.

"Uh, thank you! We are Death Musume! The power of metal-- _Lily-chan get in the van_ \--is big! _Kotaro get Saki off that guy!_ KEEP ON ROCKING! RAAAAAAAA! _Where the hell is Tae-chan?!_ "

Luna's ear twitched at the unusual voice. So young and innocent, to sound so stressed and obsessed with metal music.

She turned to look at the crowd in disbelief. A man with shades--and who wore shades this late at night?--was helping a girl with long rose-colored hair wrangle several other girls into a black van. The girl seemed to alternate rapidly from panic, frustration, and a surprisingly genuine smile when she shouted to the cheering crowd. The man radiated both confidence and dismissiveness, striding through the press as though they were grass. The girls they were going after...

Well, Luna was aware that some people would partake of... substances at venues like this. And the girls certainly seemed very out of it, growling and scrabbling at everyone around them until either the man or the girl pulled them toward the vehicle. But there was something off about their state. She couldn't quite place it. It was in how they moved, certainly, but through the crowd she couldn't get a good look at them. Not until they were snagged and dragged into the van, and that was far too brief.

Wait, why was she even interested in this random group of girls? It wasn't like any of them could be the moon princess or her warriors. None of them had the power--

"There you are Tae-chan!" The last of the strange girls was grabbed by the rose-haired one and pushed firmly through the crowd. "Haha, Metal, woooo! Yeah, hail Santa! Come on, let's go let's go let's go!"

The tall girl she was pushing flipped and flopped a bit oddly as she was shoved along, her long black hair draping over her shoulders. By sheer chance, her red eyes turned and looked directly into Luna's.

For one brief moment, the sigil on her forehead hummed with inexorable power.

Then the girl was stuffed into the van, the man jumped into the driver's seat, and the other girl started waving brightly at the crowd--

The engine revved. And Luna realized they were going to leave.

And then Luna realized she was already moving and had already leapt up, up through the air, and she was on the roof of the car just as the door slammed shut. She had the briefest moment to dig her claws into the sunroof, before the thing shot off at unsafe speeds.

She'd found Sailor Moon. By sheer random chance, she'd found Sailor Moon. And Sailor Moon had turned out to be a metal-performer who got high on some unknown substance and started attacking people.

Clinging for her life to the roof of her rough ride, Luna decided things could not possibly get any worse.

* * *

The moving stopped. The shell slid aside. The voices turned to her.

There had been a lot of voices earlier, it was all so confusing, but now it was back to the two that she recognized. The older voice, so declarative and direct, and the new one... softer, fluttery. She liked the new one. The new one petted her arm sometimes. She liked that.

The new one also petted the arms of the other grumblers. She was okay with that. It was better than the old one's barking.

The voices pushed her and the grumblers along. There was something different about them, the grumblers, they had seemed to move around when the Sound came. She could see their eyes twitching on occasion, looking left and right. She remembered when she had first met them, they had seemed... slow. They'd grabbed each other, lots of petting. Lots of petting.

She knew the new voice had been a grumbler. It was a thought that came and drifted away before she could bite on it.

Biting on thoughts was hard. It was so much easier biting on things.

The older voice called, and the fuffy came. She knew what the fluffy meant. The fluffy would bite her and the grumblers until they did what the older voice wanted. With a moan, she shambled over to a sit and sat. The older voice nodded, pushing the grumblers into other sits before taking out the square. He barked at the new voice, who jumped and scrambled for a square of her own.

The voices started rubbing the squares on the grumblers, taking off the look to show what they were underneath. They had their own look, each unique, but all the same. She knew she was like them, and the new voice... also like them. Like her other thoughts, it drifted by unbitten.

Once the look was gone, once they were all grumblers again, the fluffy herded them to another place. Softs were on the ground, and the new voice--the one that looked like a grumbler, but didn't act like it--helped the others lay down on them. This was a new thing. Some of the grumblers simply fell down, flat, not caring to land on a soft. The new voice didn't bother to pick them up, just... staring at them for a moment.

She wandered up behind her, biting her head. It was a very pretty head.

The new voice pushed her off, turning around and making her lips move in some way. She started petting her arm, taking her to a soft. It didn't have a grumbler on it...

Was it for her? This thought stayed long enough for her to bite it. She fell down onto the soft, looking up at the new voice. Her lips moved again... in a different way. She watched them for a moment, trying to mimic the motion. The new voice seemed to twitch the lips more, words coming from her mouth.

Words.... she didn't need words.

The new voice took up another soft, said something, and went quiet. The grumblers were all quiet, actually. This thought was bigger, and it stayed in her mind longer, but she didn't bite it.

Smaller sounds came through. The grass sounds at night. Clicks of the clock. The creaks that lived in the big inside.

She stared at the ceiling for a long while.

There was a new sound. A tiny one. Her eyes rolled toward it, and she saw...

...it was... like the fluffy. But smaller. And darker. And its bite was shaped differently. And it wasn't fluffy... not as fluffy as the fluffy.

Thoughts rolled into her mind, trying to build a new picture.

It... it was a fuzzy. Yes. That thought tasted right...

* * *

Luna stared at the suite of corpses, watching as the one staring at her sat up.

"...Oh," she said in a tiny voice.

And then the reincarnation of Sailor Moon rushed over, swept her up, and stuck her head in her mouth.

 


	2. Zombie Tae's Legendary Transformation

"Grrrmph! Lm m gm!"

Luna pushed against the girl's cheeks with her forepaws, wriggling them into the jaw gap and shoving as hard as she could without unsheathing her claws. Her head popped free and she gasped, shaking it dry and trying to fight back revulsion at the scent of decay.

"I don't know what you think you were doing, but eating a cat is _not_ okay! A talking cat especially!"

The sunken red eyes seemed to focus on her, but there was little else in that expression. "Rrrrrrrrr....?"

Right. Corpse. She probably _wasn't_ thinking, was she.

"Okay. Why don't we start over? You can put me down and..." Luna trailed off. "Okay, we'll start with putting me down. Put me down."

The head tilted.

"Me. Luna." The cat patted her chest firmly. "Luna."

"Rrmaaaaaa..."

"Luna. Yes. Now." Luna gestured at the ground. "Down. Down."

"Rroowwwww..."

"Down. Luna, down." She patted herself, and then lowered her paws. "Luna, down."

"Rrrrmaaaa.... rrrroooowwww..."

"Lunaaaa doooooown."

The sunken eyes drifted down to the ground. "Rrrooooooowwww...."

"Down, yes. Luna down. Please show me you can obey simple orders. Luna, d--"

The zombie abruptly released her grip, letting the cat drop to the ground.

"Oof! Okay, that works. Now then." Luna looked up at the girl. "I am Luna, advisor to..."

She took in the zombie's uncomprehending expression.

"Right. That might be an issue... Give me a moment here."

Luna started pacing in a small circle. The dark kingdom needed to be stopped, which meant that she needed to find the empyrean silver crystal... or was it the silver imperial crystal...? Something along those lines, and give it to the moon princess. And for both those tasks, she needed the sailor senshi, and Sailor Moon was their leader. Technically speaking, she didn't need to explain anything, especially if it wasn't possible for the senshi to understand. It didn't feel right, but in this situation she didn't have that luxury. She just needed her to transform and...

A paw dragged down her face. The transformation was verbally activated. Well, alright, Sailor Moon had shown some ability to mimic words. Maybe she could just walk her through that. And... maybe the transformation would restore her mind? Alright.

With a firm nod, Luna turned around. "Now then--what are you doing?" Luna rushed over, batting her paw at the tall girl's head. "Clocks are not for eating! Take your mouth off of that!"

The sunken red eyes turned to her.

"...If you take your mouth off that, I'll give you something special, okay? Something super pretty, just for you. Do you like pretty things?"

"Mmmmmmmm...."

"Of course you do! Come on, take your mouth off--"

"Rmmmmmaaaa..."

"Yes, I'm still Luna. You know what?" Luna backed up slowly, back to the outdoor balcony. "Come here, okay? Come on. You want Luna? Luna is outside now. Come outside. Come on. Come here."

The zombie reached out for her feebly, her mouth still on the clock.

Luna's eyes turned skyward, focusing on the full moon. "Why me? What did I do to deserve this?"

She turned back to look at the tall zombie, struggling to remember if the girl had called her anything back at the metal concert. "Um... Saki? No... Tae?"

"Rrmmm?"

"Tae-chan. Watch this!" Luna jumped into the air, spinning and summoning the brooch of transformation into existence. "Look! Isn't it pretty, Tae-chan! You would look very pretty wearing it, wouldn't you? Yes you would. Come to Luna, come over here, let me put this on you and pray to the stars that it gives you a brain or something."

The zombie--Tae-chan, apparently--finally took her mouth off the clock. Her broad strides brought her quickly to the feline, and she literally fell down next to her, hands scrabbling at her fur.

"Okay, you're eager! Ow--Stop!" Luna slapped her hand away, before approaching the girl's chest. "Now this is not for eating, understand? I am going to put it on you, and then teach you some words to say. And you are not going to eat it."

With some effort, she managed to pin the brooch to the girl's chest. "There we go.... Tae-chan. I need you to say something. Say exactly what I'm going to say, okay? Do you understand?"

"Rrrrmmmmmaaaaa..."

Luna nodded. "Okay, I'm going to hope that was a yes. Alright: Moon. Moon. Moon."

The red eyes drifted off for a moment, but Luna stamped her paw, regaining Tae's attention.

"Moon. Mmmmmooooooonnnnn. Moon."

"....Mmmmmooooooo..."

Luna suppressed her wince and nodded encouragingly. "Prism. Prism.

"Mmmmmoooooo?"

"Moon Prism. Prism. Pr-ih-sum. Prism."

"Prrrr-mmmm...."

"Yes, that's it. Moon Prism Power. Power. Pooooweeeeerrrr. Power."

"Mmmmmooooo prrr-mmmm...."

"Power, Tae-chan. Pow-er. Power. You can do it."

"Mmmmmmooooo prrrr-mmm poooowraaaaaa."

"Very good! Now... Moon. Prism. Power. Makeup."

Tae jerked, standing up and walking back inside.

"Wait, what-" Luna rushed after her. "Nononono it's such an easy word you were doing so well!" She watched the zombie grab at a drawer, trying to bang her hands against the handle. "Come on, Tae-chan, moon prism power makup, that's all you need to--"

"Mmm, wha... Tae-chan?"

Luna's eyes snapped to the other corpses, watching as the rose-haired one stirred. In all her frustration dealing with the mindless Sailor Moon, she'd forgotten about the not-so-mindless zombie laying not two meters away from her. She looked around rapidly, quickly darting under the drawers Tae was messing with.

"Tae-chan," groaned the other girl as she stood, "what are you doing?"

"Rrrmmmma maaaakuuuu..."

The girl stared at her, no comprehension in her tired gaze. "Is there something in there you want?"

"Maaaakuuuuuu..."

"Fine, I'll open the drawer." The girl walked over, sighing as she helped Tae with the difficult furniture. "I don't know, Tae-chan, today's been weird. First I wake up in a house of zombies, then I run out and get shot by a cop because it turns out I'm a zombie, then Kotaro says he raised us all from the dead to become Saga's next regional idol group, then we all get put on a metal concert stage... it's a lot to take in. I just want to get some sleep, okay?"

Tae had already tuned her out, picking up a container of blush and rubbing it unopened against her cheek.

"Right... Goodnight Tae-chan. I don't know what I was thinking."

Luna watched her lay down on her blanket again, gripping her pillow tightly. She waited until the eyes shut and the breathing stilled before coming back out, hopping onto the top of the drawers.

"Tae-chan, what are you doing?"

"Maaaaakuuuu." Tae held out the blush container.

"...Okay, yes I see that it's makeup, but I wanted you to say makeup, not--"

Tae started rubbing the container against Luna's face. "Maaaaaakuuuu rrrmmmaaa."

"No, stop that!" Luna batted at her hand, pinning it down. "It's not going to do anything if it's not open anyway! Look. Repeat after me: Moon.

"Mmmmooooooo."

"Prism."

"Prrrrrr-mmmmmm."

"Power...."

"Poooooowraaaaaaaa."

"Makeup."

Tae pulled the blush out from under Luna's paw, focusing on it for a moment... then she bit into it.

Luna swiped it away with a hiss. "Makeup! Say makeup!"

The zombie watched the blush bounce across the floor. "....maaaaaaaaakuuuuuu?"

Apparently, that was good enough for the brooch. It shimmered with ethereal brightness, ribbons of pure luminescence extending and wrapping around the zombie's body. For a moment her form shimmered with magic, no distinguishable features to be seen. Then the light faded away, revealing the girl's new outfit: a stunning combination of blue sailor collar and miniskirt over a white leotard, matched with white gloves and red boots, tied together with a red ribbon on her chest and back.

"Finally," Luna sighed, noting that the magic had also made the girl's skin seem less dead. "Now--"

The girl's attention was caught by something outside and, before Luna could react, she had rushed out and tumbled over the balcony rails.

"Tae-chan!" Luna cried, rushing after her. "Tae-chan, come on, get back here!"

The two of them ran into the night of Saga, both chasing things they didn't understand.


	3. Bold Rescue Hero! Zombie Moon Accomplishes Something!

She understood that she had different understanding parts, all over her head.

The circles that had folds. She couldn't see her own, because they made her see, but she saw the others had them. The pokey-out bit--that twitched, she felt it, whenever she smelled squid. She hadn't been sure what the flaps on the side of her head were, not until tonight, but it made sense they brought sound... somehow. There was her mouth, which could be wrapped around things to bring... mouth understandings.

There were different understanding parts, that she knew. They understood different things.

This understanding, though, it wasn't like those she had before. It came from the shiny thing the fuzzy had given her, she understood that. But what it understood, it was... pain, except not in her body. Pain, outside. If she had pain from the other understanding parts, she would have moved away... but that wouldn't work, because the pain wasn't touching her. It was Out There. She wanted it to stop.

So she had to find it.

Oh, the shiny thing gave her other understandings as well. The fuzzy, running after her, was actually nice--fuzzy both to touch and to this new understanding. She could feel tiny things as she rushed past grass, the flying creatures felt pointy when they moved by... The occasional voice, all like the funny light stick she had seen in the Big Inside, soft and hard and all slightly different and all... smelling different?

But it was the pain that kept her moving. She didn't know what it was, all she knew was that it was...

...this way? No. This way.

She changed directions with a growl, the fuzzy shouting something as it followed after her. She was moving faster, faster then she had before. Maybe it was the shiny thing? So much had happened tonight. If she tried to gobble up all the thoughts in one go, she would be... there was too much to eat, which was actually new to her. But if she took it in chunks...

Find the painful thing, stop it. Yes, that was good, that was a good thought.

She burst through a shell, seeing a voice and... something else, holding it up. It looked like a voice, but twisted, changed--not like her and the grumblers, who just had different looks, but something that a new look couldn't hide. She didn't know what it was.

All she knew was that it was the source of the pain.

So she lunged.

* * *

"Sai--Sailor Moon!" Luna caught her breath as she reached the broken door. "You can't just--"

Through the shattered glass, she caught sight of the legendary leader of the Sailor Senshi attempting to tear the shoulder off a confused and angry youma with her bare teeth.

"...Okay, this makes a lot more sense suddenly," she managed. "Sailor Moon! That's a magical creature, you can't--you're still a mindless zombie, aren't you? Oh stars, this is going to be a problem..."

"Ooooow..."

Luna's eyes turned to the girl on the ground, rubbing her throat as she tried to push herself up. She glanced at the youma, who was trying to shake Sailor Moon off its arm, and sighed. "Witnesses. Wonderful." She rushed over to the girl, careful to avoid the glass shards. "Miss! Can you walk?"

"I..." The girl looked at her, and blinked. "You--"

"Yes, I'm a talking cat, but you need to get away from the Youma, now can you walk?!"

The girl looked at the monster, currently struggling to pull Sailor Moon off its head. "Oh... yes, yes!" She rushed behind what seemed to be a store counter, Luna quick on her heels. "Oh my god, I was attacked by a demon!"

"That's... not inaccurate," the feline agreed, hopping onto the counter and taking cover behind the cash register. "No, stop biting it Sailor Moon!"

"Moon...?" The girl stared at her. "Wait, a girl with a talking cat... is she a witch? Are you her familiar?"

Luna cringed as she watched the youma flail its arm in an attempt to free the Senshi's deathgrip of a bite. "At this rate, it's more like she's _my_ familiar."

The Youma slammed its opponent against a display case, which had the effect of separating her head from her body. This did absolutely nothing to phase her.

"...And apparently not exactly a well trained one." Luna glanced back at the girl. "Look, miss...?"

"Um, Osaka. Osaka Naru."

"Miss Osaka, I really have to get out there and help her, otherwise I have no idea how this is going to end up. You just stay... there, it should be safe, alright?"

"Alright."

"Right." Luna hopped off the desk. "Sailor Moon! You have to throw your tiara! Say Moon Tiara Action aaaaaand right, you still..."

The senshi's body rolled over to its hands, rising to all fours and slamming into the surprised monster's stomach. One hand reached out to catch the head as it unclamped from the creature's arm, quickly putting it back on her neck... backwards.

"...O... kay, that's..." Luna shook her head. "Whatever. Sailor Moon! Tiara!" She tapped her moon sigil meaningfully. "Tiara! On your head!"

"Graaaaa...?"

"Feel your head," Luna said, rubbing a paw on her own forehead. "There's something on your head." Her eyes darted to the Youma, rising from its prone position. "On your head, the tiara, put your hand to your head _right now--!"_

Sailor Moon put a hand to her head... hard enough to pop it off her neck.

"What mockery is this?" the youma demanded, claws outstretched. "Ah... a senshi, raised from beyond the grave?"

"Sailor Moon!"

The head lolled over to look at the cat. "Rrrrmaaaaaa?"

"Hit the Youma with your tiara!" Luna tapped her forehead and pointed at the creature. "Tiara! Youma! Now!"

Sailor Moon's eyes narrowed. Her hand reached out, grabbed her hair, and flung her head at the monster. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Fool of a corpse!" scoffed the demon, catching the head in its hand. "I shall take great pleasure in destroying... you... you have no idea what I'm saying, do you?"

"MOON TIARA ACTION!" Luna shouted. "SAY IT! SAY MOON TIARA ACTION!"

"Moooo Traraaa Aaaak-mmm?"

The tiara in the Youma's grip suddenly began to glow, burning through its hand. With a cry of pain it dropped Sailor Moon's head, backing off. "What trickery is this?!"

"Mooo Traaraaa Aaak-mmm!" Sailor Moon cried triumphantly, swinging her glowing cranium like a flail.

The youma cried in pain as more gashes were cut across its body by shimmering light, uselessly attempting to defend itself. Each swing brought forth another squeal of agony til, at last, the creature burst into glittering dust.

"...Okay, I guess that works," Luna admitted.

Sailor Moon put her head back on her neck... and immediately bent down to look at the dust.

"Oh no. No no no, that is not for eating, Sailor Moon--"

"Rnnoom!"

"--aaaand you're eating it. Great. Perfect."

"Is it safe to come out?" asked a voice from behind the counter.

"Yes... well, yes."

Naru hesitantly poked her head up, looking at Sailor Moon. "Um... what is she doing?"

"Stardust if I know..." Luna shook her head, turning to her. "I'm sorry, are you alright?"

"Uh... well, I'm a little tired. Is... did that thing do magic to me?"

"Hmm. Here, let me..." The cat hopped onto the counter, sniffing at her. "Just a little energy drain. You should be up to snuff sometime tommorrow."

"Oh. Well... alright." Naru nodded. "Oh! Thank you for saving me, Sailor Moon!"

The senshi went right on gnawing at the dust.

"...Is... she alright?"

Luna sighed deeply. "I... no. No, but I don't know how to fix it. I spent all this time, looking for the reincarnation of Sailor Moon, and when I finally find her, she is a zombie. A literal walking corpse. And she stuck my head in her mouth and--and I mean, if there are Youma now, we need her but--but just look at her! She's feral and..."

She paused, taking in Naru's befuddled gaze.

"...Today has not been my day," she admitted finally.

"Oh." Naru cleared her throat. "So... that's a zombie."

"Yep."

"She... doesn't look like--"

"It's the magic, there's a glamor that makes her unrecognizable. It's supposed to protect her civilian identity, I guess it makes her look pretty decent as well."

Sailor Moon yawned, shut her eyes and nuzzled into the pile of dust.

"And now she's asleep," Luna grumbled. "How am I going to get her home?"

Naru pursed her lips. "...I could carry her? I guess?"

"...you know what? Sure. Ordinarily, I wouldn't want to involve civilians but... I'm just in way over my head right now."


End file.
